So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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