i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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