if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
