i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
