You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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