whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
