guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
