Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
