cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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