dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize