you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
