I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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