$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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