fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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