you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
