you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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