Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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