He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
