Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
you made out with another girl for some wings
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
