Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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