i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
