We're like a lot better than the average bears
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize