im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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