so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
