I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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