shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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