i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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