Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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