So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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