just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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