I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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