i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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