i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Farmville is her only friend.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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