i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
