She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
