he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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