Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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