Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
