I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
