i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
