you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
