So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
