I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Randomize
