are you still at the devil's house?
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
