I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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