I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
