she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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