bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
