somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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