Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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