is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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