I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
