Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
