I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
