you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
