hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize
