I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
