Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
this is an emotional support booty call
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize