they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
