At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
