Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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