On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
