i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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