I am midnight drunk by noon
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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