well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
They took my balls.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
