Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
This is my gift to your gina
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
