What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
