shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
