I want to stick my p in your. b.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize