I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
