i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My penis needs a shock collar
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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