so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
