If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
