my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
