Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
