i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
