he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
