He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
