all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
