That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Randomize
